Age...

What is age? A number, the way you feel, a way for people to let them know if you are in their league or not?
I am 31. I feel like 70 in my body, looks like somewhere between 30-40 and in my mind I am pending between 12-14 and 31. And turning 30 wasn't a big deal for me if I just stop and think about it for a while... The only crises I had that day was that everyone was on to you and reminding you and teasing you for getting 30.... That broke me down. Not the fact that I was turning 30. For me it is just a number.

It is the way you feel inside and the way you are living that decide your mental age, and I consider the mental age to be much more closer to whom you are. And that is hard when you are pending between a lot of ages.

Physically I am feeling really old, but that is most due to the fact that I haven't taken care of my body. I am not a guy that workout, even though I am not smoking or drinking like hell. But you need your workout. So I am having constantly pain in my body since I am to weak.
And my eyes.... Oh, just a few years ago I just used my glasses when needed... Now I have to have them on me every day... All the time!!!! And if I am not wearing them, I have to raise the brightness on my MacBook just to be able to see what I am reading and writing.

But in my mind, I am sometimes just 12-14 again. Having fun. Enjoying life. Even though you won't see me climbing in a tree any more... (I am afraid of heights, that's my excuse) But working with kids you have to have an open mind. You have to remember what it was to be in that age, so you can let them be kids as well. Not demanding to much of them. Not asking them to be adults until it is time.

So what is age.... Age is like a fine wine, it's just getting better and better for every year storing it, or it could be like milk... Sour as hell. It is all up to us!

A dream...!

I have a dream. Actually it is more like to dreams but combined in one: I want to move to Alaska and/or Maine.

Why? That I just don't know. I have always had a thing for Maine. Just read about it and seen it on film, and it just seems so beautiful. I guess all the states close to the Canadian border is what I am looking for.
And then Alaska... People just raise there eyebrows at me when I say I wanna move to Alaska. "It is so cold." "It is so isolated." And so an.
I don't mind the cold. I don't mind the isolation. I don't mind to live in a small society with very few people around me.
And the environment is just awsome! But then again, I have never been there.

Someday I will go there. Both to Maine and to Alaska. It is a dream. It is something I just have to do.
And to be able to make films and take wonderful photos.

Someday.... I have a dream....

Long time for someting special!

August 11th I was with my filmcrew on location at Vikingabyn in Tofta to shoot a pilot sequence for my feature film "Karins Saga", a medieval drama about a mayors daugther who has to choose between her carieer or her heart.

We started our shooting at 6 p.m. and had around 20-30 extras, 6 actors and a small crew of 10 people, running around in the middle of the night and just had fun together.
Then we hoped it would be done by October with all the editing and so. And then we changed us until November. And now, finally, December 5th, we are done!!!!

We can finally present the pilot for everyone.

Incredible how long it would take us to finish this, and now I can only hope that people will enjoy what they are seeing, and will support us in the future.

I will write more about the project later but can already follow us a Karins Saga official page

Hope you will like what you are seeing!

Karins Saga - The pilot

Recreation!

I guess you can say the recreation is something needed all the time. But HOW can one an other get recreation in to your life, without spending a lot of money to spa's and so?
The easiest way, I guess, is just to go for a walk. But not maybe just around the corner in you neighbourhood. No, I think the best way is to take the bus or the car or the train and go to a place where you feel that you can just relax and enjoy life!
Then walk for an hour or two with your favourite music in the earplugs, maybe bring a camera or use your telephone to take pictures on things you find on the way...

Or maybe you can draw something, or write! That is also a way of recreation. Yes indeed!
When I was younger I wrote a lot. Both poems, scipts, stories and so. Even lyrics for cd's I never made... Wonder why... Guess I just wasn't good at making music.
But to write was a way for me to disapear for a little while. To clear out my thoughts, and that is needed for me to work as a human being!

Now, being in a depression I just have such a hard time finding back to the ways that made me happy. That made me recreate my soul! And everyday is a struggle, a fight for life. Or at least it feels that way.
Just walking around in a kind of mist not knowing what todays date is, or what I have to do or not to do. All I know is that I think I am aware of what season it is. I guess it is fall, since the leaves turned yellow, red and orange before they got brown and fell down to the ground, leaving the trees naked and exposed, waiting for winter to come. Just like me.
Wow, now I got all poetic... Maybe I still have it in me...

As an artist I guess you need to have somekind of darkness inside you. Something that you can rely on. Something that is more powerful and therefor somekind of saftey.

I will end this session with writing one of my poetic lyrics I wrote 9 years ago. Then I was 22 years old. If someone has music for this, please let me know!

Confusion, my body are in pain

Don't know what way to go

Or where to stop and stay

Lies, my soul are in pain

So many lies that has been told

So many answers put on hold

 

Time is passing by like grains of sand

My hands are open wide waiting for you

 

Will I ever be free from the things that holds me back

Will I ever be free from my past

My mind is full of answers

My heart is full of doubts

Will I ever see my self as something else but bad

 



Why is it so hard?

Why is it so hard to make a film these days? Or I should ask, why is it so freaking hard to get fundings?

Without money it is just so hard to manage to what I want to do, and then I have to ask for help. But does any one help: No!
And then I start to wonder why.... Is it that no one belive in project except for me? Is it that no one has any money? Is it that no one actually wants to fund projects or is it simply because it is I who am doing this....

I know people have money since people are supporting other projects.... I know people belive in the story I am making, since they have said so for a couple of years now....

Well, even if people can't afford as little as $10, people can atleast afford to spread a link. So please do. Just spread this link where ever you can: http://igg.me/p/255615?a=292023

Thank you...

Film time again!

Oh yes!

Now I have this really weird kamikazee project going on....!
A few years ago I want to make a film called The Rain. But we never got fundings to make that film. Boring as hell....!

So now we have decide to make that film anyway, but with very little money. And not as high quality as we first wanted.
No we will make the film just because we want to and to make a film that we can stand for.

Wanna know more or even help out?????

Please just click here below and spread the word! :D

This weekend...

Well, as promised Iwill now give you an update of what has happened this weekend.

It all started this friday with a movie shoot. I was an actor for Filmgymnasiet på Gotland in one of their commercials, for the school!

We shot the commercial at Saint Marys Church in Visby, and the set up was a wedding that ended with them showing it was just a film set. Smart idea, I have to say.
And I played the groom. :)

Then, on the saturday, it was time for the big event: WisbyMaskeraden! The biggest event of the year, next to Medeltidsveckan of course, when you get the chance to dress up and just live out your dream as a costume nerd. :)
This years theme was Harry Potter vs. Merlin. And I was there with Gotlands MusikalKompani and we made a 30 minute long show as Hogwarts students. And I also played Severus Snape in the begining of the show. Then I changed to a school student , belonging to Rawenclaw.

And to play Severus Snape, wich I think is the coolest character played by one of the best actors, Alan Rickman, was a privilege. To find the small secrets that unlocks Snape and make him alive, since he is both evil and good.

Me as Severus Snape

 

And I had a costume, special made for me, ordered on eBay, just for this occasion. And it was worth it! It was so worth it! And the show went so well and we had a lot of fun!

Final touch-ups on the make-up before showtime!

 

Now it is time to rest for a few days, then on thursday we start our rehearsals for "Sweeny Todd", the big musical we will put up in April! :)

 

A very tired actor after the show at WisbyMaskeraden.

 

Almost all costumes lined up for the weekends performances.