Forever alone?

Okay, here's the deal. I am single. And I have been single for about four years now. For some that is not a long time at all and for others it feels like a lifetime.
For me... Well, I am pleased with my situation, sort of.

I am not sure if I want some one in my life or not. One part of me is screaming for someone to hold on to. Someone to hug and kiss, someone that I can make dinner for, someone that is at home when I get home form work and says: Hi, how was your day?
But then there is this other part of me that just wants to be alone. That couldn't stand a minute with someone around me all the time. That part of me that needs to be alone, that doesn't want to love.

I would love to have a friend, not a friend with benefits, but a friend that I could live together with that could respect my privacy, in the same way that I would respect my friends privacy. A friend that I could watch TV with but then go to my own bedroom, alone, and just be me for a minute.
A friend that all of a sudden could say: Hey, I am going away for a few days. See you later!

Then, isn't that what love is all about? That you have a friend that you respect, that respect you, that you can trust and leave for a while, that see you without being all over you?

I am confused... And also being queer and by that I mean that I fall in love with a person, not the sex, that makes it a bit difficult. I just have to find that special one and then I know... Then I wont be alone.

But, do I long for that special one or is it just something that I have to accept when it happens? That I find or that I will be found?

Crap, love sucks! But not being alone.

Guess what!

Time to support me as a filmmaker!

I am sooooo close to finish my first feature film ever. Sooo close...! Just need your help the last bit of the road.

Just check it out. Would you do that for me? And maybe share the word about this? *sad face*