Forever alone?

Okay, here's the deal. I am single. And I have been single for about four years now. For some that is not a long time at all and for others it feels like a lifetime.
For me... Well, I am pleased with my situation, sort of.

I am not sure if I want some one in my life or not. One part of me is screaming for someone to hold on to. Someone to hug and kiss, someone that I can make dinner for, someone that is at home when I get home form work and says: Hi, how was your day?
But then there is this other part of me that just wants to be alone. That couldn't stand a minute with someone around me all the time. That part of me that needs to be alone, that doesn't want to love.

I would love to have a friend, not a friend with benefits, but a friend that I could live together with that could respect my privacy, in the same way that I would respect my friends privacy. A friend that I could watch TV with but then go to my own bedroom, alone, and just be me for a minute.
A friend that all of a sudden could say: Hey, I am going away for a few days. See you later!

Then, isn't that what love is all about? That you have a friend that you respect, that respect you, that you can trust and leave for a while, that see you without being all over you?

I am confused... And also being queer and by that I mean that I fall in love with a person, not the sex, that makes it a bit difficult. I just have to find that special one and then I know... Then I wont be alone.

But, do I long for that special one or is it just something that I have to accept when it happens? That I find or that I will be found?

Crap, love sucks! But not being alone.