To be honest, right now my self confidence is low.
And I don't have any reason to feel that way. People are happy with me. People have confidence in me. Even people I don't know can open them self up to me.
I have a part in a short film that I am looking forward too!
So why am I feeling that low. I don't know. Maybe it has been to much of that extra "attention" that has made me stumble a little. I am not used to be loved in that way.
I don't know what to say. I thought I had got over my ex. Well, get over and get over... We are wonderful friends! And that is a really good thing.
But now he has got a new partner, and I am glad for him, even though it hurts. And that makes me confused. That it has been three and a half years since we split up and still there is a sting in my heart.
Well, we do lived together for 4,5 years and had mostly good times. And we got so close to each other. Could be therefore it hurts, that we shared so much and now it is somehow the final nail in the coffin.
And maybe I feel alone. Or left alone, and I don't have any reason at all to feel left alone. He hasn't left me for an other guy. I was the one who left him for my home.
God, it is so confusing! And I am not sure I want a new relationship, or maybe I do.
I feel sad, and down, but still I am glad he has a partner that he can love and that can love him. That is something that everyone deserve! To be loved!
I got a DVD today, with a film that I has sponsored through crowdfunding (Kickstarter.com).
It felt a bit special to know I have helped people to make a dream come true, even though I didn't gave that much.
But then I saw the film. It was okay. Not the best film I have ever seen, but fine. I just didn't understand the story. Sorry guys, but the story just didn't get through.
It is a post apocalyptic story and there is a virus in the world. And people want to be a part of the Horizon Project that will lead to a better place. That much I got. But then I just got lost...
And that made me think about my own movies...! People are supporting me in my filmmaking career. And I don't want to make them disapointed. I just want to make a film that people will enjoy and understand and want to support.
Well, I am happy I helped fellow filmmakers out there by supporting them with crowdfunding! I hope they will succeed with the film and that the will continue to make film! And I will continue to support filmmakers as well.
Last day it was the yearly film contest "nooMaraton" here in Sweden. It is a really funny contest where you get 24 hours to make film from certain criteria, and people all over Sweden compete at the same time with the same criteria. This years theme: "requirements marked" (not sure of translation here) Locations: Under a lightpole, in a hut and in a lineThings: Bracelet, app and music instrument We were a bit worried while filming since we somehow lost control and only had 6 extras, but those extras did a wonderful job! :) But we gained control in the editing and we started out with 26 minutes of raw material. (The film cannot be more then 5 minutes) Then we edited it some more and got down to 7 minutes. My partner then said that no way we can get it any shorter. Ha, he was so wrong! We managed to make a film, with credits, that were 4 minutes and 57 seconds long. Now it is up to a jury here on Gotland to pick a winner, from 11 different contributions, and that winner to the big finale in Stockholm! And even if we don't win we had a great time making the film! What I do like about this competition is that it is not about the best quality of camera or image. It is how to make a story! How to get all the criteria in to the film in the best storytelling way as possible. That is what filmmaking is all about! To tell a story! Here is our contribution for this years nooMaraton. And we hope you'll like it!
Every know and then we need to be revolting! No doubt about that. We need to step up in front of everyone and say: Let's go this way!
We also need to be revolting to our selves too. Like, you know that something is safe and secure, it has always been like that and most likely always will be like that, but then you have an opportunity to make some thing different, but then you need to step outside the box! You need to get unsafe. Loose the grip for a little while.
And maybe your mind says "No", your heart says "Yes" and then there is confusion.
You even talk to your friends and family, just to see what that would say and/or do, and they will divide in to you mind and heart.
Suddenly you just realize you want to follow your heart! Even though it means that you will loose control for a second. Even if all your friends becomes your mind and says: No!
You just need to do this! You need to be revolting!
Because you know that if you do this you will change something in your life, and hopefully for the better!
But then, you start thinking about it. You will loose the safety. You will stand alone in something and it probably will take a lot of time before your mind comes along.
I do believe that you should to what you want, when you want it because you want it! That is like important for your soul. And to make a statement for your mind that you are who you are.
And to be revolting doesn't have to be big. It can just be a small statement, to walk against what others consider to be normal! Never be normal!!! Be you!
I am revolting against my self and will change my life, maybe for the better. I don't know!
A friend, who is involved in The Rain that I am producing and directing, said she went around and said "What are WE going to do?" "What do WE have to fix?" and so on. Then she stopped and thought about and realized she said "we" instead of "you".
And then she asked me if I thought it was wrong of her to do that.
All I could say was: no! Even though I am the producer and director it is not my movie. It is OURs! All of us that are working with this project. Even if you just are an extra fo half a day, we couldn't have made that scene without him or her.
And those set runners are more important then you think!
I concider my team to be equals no matter what position you have. And to hear someone say "we" just makes me happy. Then I know there are more people that are engaged into this project. I can stop feeling alone.
But some people say: " I am making a movie. It is my movie"
I think that is selfish...
Be humble towards those who work for you and helps you. Without them hou would never be able to make a movie!
I am a 32 year old filmmaker on the little island Gotland, in the Baltic Sea.
I do what I believe in most, and that is to make films.
Not just any films, but the stories I want to tell and in the way I want to tell them.
I love the life of indiefilmmaking and I think that the best way to develop as a filmmaker os to make films in your own pace and your own way, without any demands in life.
That is why I love crowdfunding! I love the fact that you can let people support you and by that show that they believe in you and the project.
I have tried different ways to fund my films. Different crowdfunding sites and right now I have one project on two sites.
The first site is Sponsume.com. A really great place. Many people are visiting that page and a lot of projects get funded.
I have reached $200 thanks to that site and I do hope for more: www.sponsume.com/project/rain
But recently I have also found a really cool site, called Picocent. And it is so easy to fund proejcts there. You just have to open an account and then you are free to sponsor what ever project you want, without paying any money. :) Yes, it is true. The are getting the money from ads and you will get a lot of picocents to give to projects.
Of course it takes many picocents to reach a "normal" cent, but still! So easy!
And I hope that people will see my project there and think that The Rain is a really cool project so that it will get funded!
I am about to make my first feature! I am thrilled about it. I just wish that more people can believe in us so we can manage to make this film as good as it deserves.
Right now I am sitting in my bed with only one single lamp turned on and it is oh so quiet.
And I am blown away how much the quietness can sound so much! It is just a roar in my head and I can't focus, but still there isn't a sound in here....
I guess there is time for me to shut down some parts in my life so that I can get back to life...
I have lost my life the last two months. I have given my life to something else. Something that eats me from the inside and out... But something that still makes me whole.
There is no need to be poetic about it. There is just a need to speak without speaking. To talk without words. To hear without listening....
My life is dedicates this right now: www.sponsume.com/project/rain
I am getting more and more stressed, and today was one of the days that I thought that I just didn't want to leave my bed.
But I got up, took a walk in the beautiful sunlight and the just tried to rinse my head from everything.
I am so stressed about everything right now. My job, my film projects, my life, my being. And it sucks! Big time!!!!!
I am proud that I turned down one production that called me and asked if I wanted to be an extra. I know I can earn some money, but I just felt that I don't have time. I need to focus on my own projects and job.
And I am stressed about some of my work. Stressed that I will loose two of my youths I am working with due to that they are moving away and that we don't have that much contact any more. Stressed over not knowing what the summer or fall will bring.
One thing that really stresses me is my own film project: The Rain.
I just have a dream of making a film and just make something that I can stand for and that is good. And I do get a lot of help from everyone.
I mean, Film på Gotland (our local resource center) provides us with camera equipment, Filmgymnasiet Gotland provides me with facilities to film in. All my actors and crew a working for free and making the best of every day! And I am so blessed to have them around me.
What stresses my out is that I don't have enough money to make the film with. Money so we can build props and sets. Money so that I can buy food for my actors.
And also time... There is to little time. We are filming from time to time when every one is available, and that is a big puzzle to work with. It is hard to make a scheduel not knowing when people can film or not.
I am stressed out and sometimes I am starting to doubt on my self and my abilities...
I just want to life my life and do the thing that makes me happy. That's all!
Okay... So this monday I went out on a location scouting. I was about going by a house for my post apocalyptic drama just to take som measurments for the set design.
When I got there there I found out that the house already was in use for a nearby hotel. And I just thought I was an abandoned house. So there I was, inte middle of nowhere with one location less and a huge step backwards for my production.
I had no plan in my head other than to build a new set and a house for us. But then the question was where and how will I do it?!
Thanks to my wonderful supervising Set Designer, Edvin Steen, we came up with a cool solution that will make us having a house both exterior and interior. And that for only 5000:- SEK ($770). So we sat down for a few hours and made a plan for the set building, got a hold of an forrest where we can do whatever we want. And then just see a dream come true. To build a set for a film and just use the handcraft needed.
I am pleased that we got this set back, because now we can develope in the skills of filmmaking.
Just need to raise the money to make the set. That's all I need right now.
So if you want to become an associate producer, just as Kevin Noble from New Zealand, please just click the banner below and see what you can do to help. And be a part of a filmmakers biggest dream, to develop in filmmaking!
It is interesting when you somehow go back to basics. Back to the point where you started with something. In my example it is about film, of course. :)
I am making a film, indiestyle, and that is for me to get back to basics. We have a camera, a tripod, a microphone, a boom and three LED-lamps for lightning, no money and a good script. If we need something else we have to ask if we can borrow it, make it our self or find a way to raise money for it.
And I have started to enjoy filmmaking again! I have missed and also forgot the true basics of filmmaking. How did you do when you just had a camera and nothing else? How did you make a set? How did you get props? How did you decide what is good or not?
This story is post apocalyptic so there is almost no rules when it comes to set design and props. And that is a good thing. :) We can just free our minds, think outside the box as much as possible and go nuts on stuff!
For example we have to build a machine gun, future-style, and attach that to a pick up and drive around like maniacs. Those things are fun! Aiming towards a "Mad Max" kind of world but going lite.
I love my passion, to make films. I just needed to step back and realize I have to bring forth all that knowledge I got when I was 15 and once again live my dream.
Here is a vlog from our latest day of filming. Hope you'll enjoy!
Making a film demands a lot of work and effort.
Making this film demanded a little bit extra, since we all got ill. But we managed somehow to make a fantastic filmshoot and got material that weas something out of the ordinary!
I am glad that I have the skills and abilities to make films. Not too many that has the same opportunity as me. And I do feel glad that I have something to do that I love more than anything else.
And I am also gald for all the kind of support I get from everywhere. That makes it even more fun to work with what I am doing.
onsdag 6 februari 2013
It is over.... Our shooting period is over, and did we have fun or not!
There is something special about being on set and just see the progress of filming. Kind of sad when it is all over. Kind of hard to realize that all that chaos actually can be a film!
But so many has been so dedicated to this project and has done a wonderful job! We are so amazed of the love and joy we get from people.
We are aiming for the stars, Cannes International Film Festival 2013, and maybe we will reach all the way, maybe not. Only time will tell. But we are sure that our film are good enough for Cannes!
I am just thrilled that this might be my comeback as a cinematographer and director. And if so, I feel confident that I will have much more to do in the future. :)
We had a rehearsal today with our actors Anders Eng and Britta Calamnius, for the short film "Det som göms i snö".
And it was such a joy to hear Anders dialogue for the first time and work with both Anders and Britta to make the dialouge and characters alive! I laughed and giggled like a little child and just felt such a joy inside of me to see the development of the story and are so convinced that this film will be my comeback as a director and filmmaker!
I have the privilege to work with pure talents that has a heart and soul for what they are doing! Who listen to what you want and interpet it right and transform it all so my vision can come true.
I am so happy right now! :) If this film wont be sold on the film market, then something is seriously wrong.... ;)
I do realize why I hate making storyboards for my films... I just can't draw! It is a good thing that I will be the cinematographer of this film and not someone else. I can keep the images in my head and just put up the camera where I want it.
But for the sake of my crew I am up until midnight every night just to finish the storyboards so they know what we are doing. But is exhausting!!!!
I guess everyone has a dream of winning the lottery. And then not the little sum of money, but the big jackpot!
I am playing the lottery every week, and has done so for the past few years now. The same numbers, over and over again, but I do believe that one the the jackpot will come! I guess every one wants to win 186 million SEK. (That's the jackpot right now)
What would I do with the money? After all 186 million is a lot of money. I would pay of all my debts, both institutional and private. I would buy me a house here on Gotland with a nice garden so I could just live my life and work with my fruits and vegetables. I would give a lot of money to my sponsorchild in Hungary, through SOS Children Villages. I would save some money to my retirement, that will come in about 35 years... And then, I would most likely have about 177 million left.
Hm... Hard to know what to do.... No, not at all! I would make my films! I would just make my dream projects, and buy equipment for a lot of the money and start a rental company here on Gotland.
I would love to make Gotland a living filmmaking island, and with the jackpot that dream could become reality.
Then I wouldn't need to look for money all over the place. I wouldn't need to use crowdfunding as a way to reach my goal. I wouldn't need to call every company over and over again, asking them if they want to support us in our filmmaking dreams!
But to win the lottery.... That is just a dream I share with every one else... And maybe, some day, I will be that lucky man, fulfilling my dreams....
Until then, I am stuck with using crowdfunding as a way of financing my films....
Sometimes you just look outside the window and realize that the weather is perfect... As it is right now when it is snowing.
That is just what we need for our short film "Det som göms i snö", but do we have a camera? No! Are we ready to shoot just today? No! Is there anything missing? Yes! Money.... As always...
But the weather is perfect. Just need that little extra right now.
And this weekend we had an other shoot for the film "The Rain".
Trying to make a Vlog, but I am not the most effective blogger and/or vlogger, so we'll see where it all will end.
