I guess...

Well, sometimes you just need a moment of your own. Even though you love have stuff going on around you and you "need" like a thousand thing to do.
Sometimes it is just better to stop for a while and just step outside the box, look inside and see what you have and what you can waste.

I just feel lonely and sad and depressed, and I can't find my way to get over stuff.
I am afraid, lost, sad, happy, driven, scared... I am a lot, but not complete. Can that be it? That I am not complete? And then, what makes me complete?

Is it to be loved by those I love more than life it self? Is it to win the lottery and be rich forever? Is it to find a house on the country side and settle down?

I don't know! All I know is that I have so much stuff inside that I even can't get out of me.... People would hate me. They would look down on me. Think I am a jerk or worse...

All I ever have been aiming for is to be my self, no matter what, and to be a role model. All I have ever wanted is to make sure people are happy... Have I forgotten my self?

Have I forgotten my self in this world where everything has to be so perfect? Well, f*ck perfect! I am who I am, and I will never change!

Not okay...

Well, last day was the last of four semi-finals of Melodifestivalen. And I don't know what to think, once again.

Charlotte Perelli, who won the big Eurovision with "Take me to you heaven" and then a few years ago competed with the cool song "Hero", made a try this time again. And I thought that she were going to make to the finals or at least to the Second Chance. But no, she had to leave...

Then we had Danny... It was predicted that he would win. But it was false, boring and not okay. The only thing I liked was the show and the costumes, but there is more to Eurovision Song Contest than just a cool show and cool costumes.

Look at Loreen's "Euphoria", that is a naked show, simple costumes and simple lightning. One dancer that together with Loreen dances a contemperary dance, that just makes the number almost perfect.

The big surprise was that Lisa Miskovsky also went to the final! And that was great! In my opinion she had the best song, but non of the songs last day was good.

In two weeks we'll know who we will send to Baku. I hope that the Swedish people votes with the mind this time...

"Euphoria" can win it all! That is the only song of all the 32 songs we have heard so far that sticks in my mind. The only song I can remeber, and you who are following this blogg know that I have a hard time to remeber stuff.

Don't know...

Now I have taken 10 pills of the TriBvit. The pills I bought for my memory.
And I don't know if they are working... I can't remember... Okay, that was just a bad try for a bad joke... Sorry about that.

The fact is that I marked the pills with days, just so I know that I have taken them. Otherwise I might take an extra pill or maybe just forget to take one in the first place...

And also, I have this other medication that I need to take 5 times a day during 5 days every now and then... I then I can assure you that I need alarm clocks and mark up the pills. Crap! I am just getting older.

Right now I am thinking about going to the doctor and talk to them and see if they can help me out. Because I am running scared.
It is just the short term memory that fails...

So I guess this blogg is also a good thing for me, then I can go back a few weeks in time and see what I actually did, and felt.

Well, I have 50 more days of TribVit and then I will do my own evalution. Until then, I'll keep marking up the pills and have my alarm clock on stand-by.

Short-term memory loss....

I don't know if it is my age or if it is something else, but my memory is going straight to hell...

And I have noticed more and more the past years that something is wrong.

For example, I have to check every day, before I leave home, that the stove is turned of and the safety is on, even though I haven't used the stove. But I can't rember IF I have used it...
And ofte I have to go back indoors, just to check.

I forget stuff very fast. You can tell me one thing and then I just turn away my head, and then it is forgotten...

A few years ago I sat in the sofa with my boyfriend and asked him a question, just to turn away my head and then turn back to him and asked him the same question again!
He then told me that I just had asked him that, and I said: No!
Just because I couldn't remember....

And then also, playing Wordfued on my iPhone, that are supposed to be good for your brain, and I can logg on to a game without even remember what I have written. I don't recognize a single word....

That scares me!

So know I have bought TriBvit! Pills for the brains memory function and vitality.
Will try it for 2 months, and see what happens.
The pills contains Vitamins B6 and B12, and Folic Acid.

We'll see if it gets any better, otherwise it is a visit to the doctor that is next... I think we have alzheimers in the family... Let's just hope that my problem is a lack of vitamins or any other substans.