Recreation!

I guess you can say the recreation is something needed all the time. But HOW can one an other get recreation in to your life, without spending a lot of money to spa's and so?
The easiest way, I guess, is just to go for a walk. But not maybe just around the corner in you neighbourhood. No, I think the best way is to take the bus or the car or the train and go to a place where you feel that you can just relax and enjoy life!
Then walk for an hour or two with your favourite music in the earplugs, maybe bring a camera or use your telephone to take pictures on things you find on the way...

Or maybe you can draw something, or write! That is also a way of recreation. Yes indeed!
When I was younger I wrote a lot. Both poems, scipts, stories and so. Even lyrics for cd's I never made... Wonder why... Guess I just wasn't good at making music.
But to write was a way for me to disapear for a little while. To clear out my thoughts, and that is needed for me to work as a human being!

Now, being in a depression I just have such a hard time finding back to the ways that made me happy. That made me recreate my soul! And everyday is a struggle, a fight for life. Or at least it feels that way.
Just walking around in a kind of mist not knowing what todays date is, or what I have to do or not to do. All I know is that I think I am aware of what season it is. I guess it is fall, since the leaves turned yellow, red and orange before they got brown and fell down to the ground, leaving the trees naked and exposed, waiting for winter to come. Just like me.
Wow, now I got all poetic... Maybe I still have it in me...

As an artist I guess you need to have somekind of darkness inside you. Something that you can rely on. Something that is more powerful and therefor somekind of saftey.

I will end this session with writing one of my poetic lyrics I wrote 9 years ago. Then I was 22 years old. If someone has music for this, please let me know!

Confusion, my body are in pain

Don't know what way to go

Or where to stop and stay

Lies, my soul are in pain

So many lies that has been told

So many answers put on hold

 

Time is passing by like grains of sand

My hands are open wide waiting for you

 

Will I ever be free from the things that holds me back

Will I ever be free from my past

My mind is full of answers

My heart is full of doubts

Will I ever see my self as something else but bad

 



Film time again!

Oh yes!

Now I have this really weird kamikazee project going on....!
A few years ago I want to make a film called The Rain. But we never got fundings to make that film. Boring as hell....!

So now we have decide to make that film anyway, but with very little money. And not as high quality as we first wanted.
No we will make the film just because we want to and to make a film that we can stand for.

Wanna know more or even help out?????

Please just click here below and spread the word! :D

I guess...

Well, sometimes you just need a moment of your own. Even though you love have stuff going on around you and you "need" like a thousand thing to do.
Sometimes it is just better to stop for a while and just step outside the box, look inside and see what you have and what you can waste.

I just feel lonely and sad and depressed, and I can't find my way to get over stuff.
I am afraid, lost, sad, happy, driven, scared... I am a lot, but not complete. Can that be it? That I am not complete? And then, what makes me complete?

Is it to be loved by those I love more than life it self? Is it to win the lottery and be rich forever? Is it to find a house on the country side and settle down?

I don't know! All I know is that I have so much stuff inside that I even can't get out of me.... People would hate me. They would look down on me. Think I am a jerk or worse...

All I ever have been aiming for is to be my self, no matter what, and to be a role model. All I have ever wanted is to make sure people are happy... Have I forgotten my self?

Have I forgotten my self in this world where everything has to be so perfect? Well, f*ck perfect! I am who I am, and I will never change!

Vulnerable.

Okay, so last night we had a huge power failure here on Gotland. The whole island went black.
Nothing to make a big fuzz about if it just wasn't for the fact the something went wrong with our two "lifelines" that is between us and the main land.

That's the fact! Gotland are hooked up with two cables to the main land, providing us with electricity and if something goes wrong we are in a blackout. Just as last night.

All of a sudden the phone lines went dead, some of the cellphone operators went down, internet (of course) and this total pitch blackness.
And I realize who vulnerable we are. There was no way to get any information of what happened, since we couldn't go online and get the information. And I had no access to a battery driven radio where some information came out.

I had to call friends on the main land to ask them if they could find any information.

And then I just started to think, what if the power company couldn't fix the problem. They have a back up power station here on Gotland, but that wont last forever. What if we actually were cut of from the main land and had to take care of our selves.

I guess it wouldn't be a problem, since we all are taking care of each other. But the first period it would be hard, just to collaborate all the main functions and so...

I guess it will never happen, but still! The thought just struck me. We are so vulnerable, hooked up by two power cords, to the main land!
They have always had us in their grip...