I am afraid!

Due to what's happening in Ukraine and Russia, I am afraid! 

I never feared Saddam Hussein, I have some respect for North Korea, but Russia scares me. 

President Putin has shown that he has power, that he isn't afraid of taking action to show his might, that he doesn't fear if the rest of the world doesn't agree with him. That scares me. 

Living on Gotland, we know we are a strategic island for Russia, IF they have a plan of taking over. God forgive if that ever will happen. 

I do not want to be a part of a war. I wish all wars could end! Why do people have to fight?

And being gay, living on a strategic place for a country that now has said what they think of homosexuality, that is not for me. 

I fear Russia since I think they are up to something even bigger. 

I feel with the people in Ukraine that disagree with the situation. But I think that Russia finally got their opening for their bigger plan. 

I guess I am wrong and that none has nothing to fear. But what if?

Let's just pray that the solution is near and without the big conflict that the media is writing about. 

People of Ukraine, you have my support!

Forever alone?

Okay, here's the deal. I am single. And I have been single for about four years now. For some that is not a long time at all and for others it feels like a lifetime.
For me... Well, I am pleased with my situation, sort of.

I am not sure if I want some one in my life or not. One part of me is screaming for someone to hold on to. Someone to hug and kiss, someone that I can make dinner for, someone that is at home when I get home form work and says: Hi, how was your day?
But then there is this other part of me that just wants to be alone. That couldn't stand a minute with someone around me all the time. That part of me that needs to be alone, that doesn't want to love.

I would love to have a friend, not a friend with benefits, but a friend that I could live together with that could respect my privacy, in the same way that I would respect my friends privacy. A friend that I could watch TV with but then go to my own bedroom, alone, and just be me for a minute.
A friend that all of a sudden could say: Hey, I am going away for a few days. See you later!

Then, isn't that what love is all about? That you have a friend that you respect, that respect you, that you can trust and leave for a while, that see you without being all over you?

I am confused... And also being queer and by that I mean that I fall in love with a person, not the sex, that makes it a bit difficult. I just have to find that special one and then I know... Then I wont be alone.

But, do I long for that special one or is it just something that I have to accept when it happens? That I find or that I will be found?

Crap, love sucks! But not being alone.

Guess what!

Time to support me as a filmmaker!

I am sooooo close to finish my first feature film ever. Sooo close...! Just need your help the last bit of the road.

Just check it out. Would you do that for me? And maybe share the word about this? *sad face*

To all of you out there...

This isn't a request, this is an order.

See this film! And if you somehow can get it to the stupid president of Russia, Vladimir Putin, please make it happen.
If not to him then to the rest of the people who think being gay is wrong!!!! It isn't...

You are who you are and end of story. Please be proud of who you are!!!!

And for those who has to live in fear without being able to show your true nature: Stay strong! We hear you and want to be here for you.

Inlägg efter namn Teen Quotes.

New year!

It is a new year and wow, so many things has happened and will still happen!

I have moved! Yes, now I live in a big house that I am renting. And to move from 42 square meters to 120 square meters, that is a bit of a change.
All of a sudden I realize I have to little furnitures, to little stuff over all, and therefore I have so much more space! It is actually looking clean all the time! :) And that is a big thing, for me.
I hate cleaning...

But I have my own house, with a garden where I can be free and grow my own vegetables and fruit and berries. I can start to live!

So, for the time being I am happy! And will try to write here a little more often. ;)

Self confidence...

To be honest, right now my self confidence is low. 

And I don't have any reason to feel that way. People are happy with me. People have confidence in me. Even people I don't know can open them self up to me. 

I have a part in a short film that I am looking forward too!

So why am I feeling that low. I don't know. Maybe it has been to much of that extra "attention" that has made me stumble a little. I am not used to be loved in that way. 

Maybe one day I'll learn. 

Somehow, it hurts!

I don't know what to say. I thought I had got over my ex. Well, get over and get over... We are wonderful friends! And that is a really good thing.
But now he has got a new partner, and I am glad for him, even though it hurts. And that makes me confused. That it has been three and a half years since we split up and still there is a sting in my heart.

Well, we do lived together for 4,5 years and had mostly good times. And we got so close to each other. Could be therefore it hurts, that we shared so much and now it is somehow the final nail in the coffin.

And maybe I feel alone. Or left alone, and I don't have any reason at all to feel left alone. He hasn't left me for an other guy. I was the one who left him for my home.

God, it is so confusing! And I am not sure I want a new relationship, or maybe I do.

I feel sad, and down, but still I am glad he has a partner that he can love and that can love him. That is something that everyone deserve! To be loved!

The Horizon Project

I got a DVD today, with a film that I has sponsored through crowdfunding (Kickstarter.com).
It felt a bit special to know I have helped people to make a dream come true, even though I didn't gave that much.

But then I saw the film. It was okay. Not the best film I have ever seen, but fine. I just didn't understand the story. Sorry guys, but the story just didn't get through.

It is a post apocalyptic story and there is a virus in the world. And people want to be a part of the Horizon Project that will lead to a better place. That much I got. But then I just got lost...

And that made me think about my own movies...! People are supporting me in my filmmaking career. And I don't want to make them disapointed. I just want to make a film that people will enjoy and understand and want to support.

Well, I am happy I helped fellow filmmakers out there by supporting them with crowdfunding! I hope they will succeed with the film and that the will continue to make film! And I will continue to support filmmakers as well.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/536006487/the-horizon-project-a-short-film

nooMaraton 2013

Last day it was the yearly film contest "nooMaraton" here in Sweden.
It is a really funny contest where you get 24 hours to make film from certain criteria, and people all over Sweden compete at the same time with the same criteria.

This years theme: "requirements marked" (not sure of translation here)
Locations: Under a lightpole, in a hut and in a lineThings: Bracelet, app and music instrument

We were a bit worried while filming since we somehow lost control and only had 6 extras, but those extras did a wonderful job! :)
But we gained control in the editing and we started out with 26 minutes of raw material. (The film cannot be more then 5 minutes) Then we edited it some more and got down to 7 minutes.
My partner then said that no way we can get it any shorter. Ha, he was so wrong!
We managed to make a film, with credits, that were 4 minutes and 57 seconds long.

Now it is up to a jury here on Gotland to pick a winner, from 11 different contributions, and that winner to the big finale in Stockholm! And even if we don't win we had a great time making the film!

What I do like about this competition is that it is not about the best quality of camera or image. It is how to make a story! How to get all the criteria in to the film in the best storytelling way as possible. That is what filmmaking is all about! To tell a story!

Here is our contribution for this years nooMaraton. And we hope you'll like it!

Revolting.

Every know and then we need to be revolting! No doubt about that. We need to step up in front of everyone and say: Let's go this way!

We also need to be revolting to our selves too. Like, you know that something is safe and secure, it has always been like that and most likely always will be like that, but then you have an opportunity to make some thing different, but then you need to step outside the box! You need to get unsafe. Loose the grip for a little while.
And maybe your mind says "No", your heart says "Yes" and then there is confusion.
You even talk to your friends and family, just to see what that would say and/or do, and they will divide in to you mind and heart.
Suddenly you just realize you want to follow your heart! Even though it means that you will loose control for a second. Even if all your friends becomes your mind and says: No!
You just need to do this! You need to be revolting!
Because you know that if you do this you will change something in your life, and hopefully for the better!

But then, you start thinking about it. You will loose the safety. You will stand alone in something and it probably will take a lot of time before your mind comes along.

I do believe that you should to what you want, when you want it because you want it! That is like important for your soul. And to make a statement for your mind that you are who you are.
And to be revolting doesn't have to be big. It can just be a small statement, to walk against what others consider to be normal! Never be normal!!! Be you!

I am revolting against my self and will change my life, maybe for the better. I don't know!

But here I come! Let's do this!

My movie or Our movie?

Well, how should it be? 

A friend, who is involved in The Rain that I am producing and directing, said she went around and said "What are WE going to do?" "What do WE have to fix?" and so on. Then she stopped and thought about and realized she said "we" instead of "you".

And then she asked me if I thought it was wrong of her to do that. 

All I could say was: no! Even though I am the producer and director it is not my movie. It is OURs! All of us that are working with this project. Even if you just are an extra fo half a day, we couldn't have made that scene without him or her. 

And those set runners are more important then you think! 

I concider my team to be equals no matter what position you have. And to hear someone say "we" just makes me happy. Then I know there are more people that are engaged into this project. I can stop feeling alone. 

But some people say: " I am making a movie. It is my movie"

I think that is selfish...

Be humble towards those who work for you and helps you. Without them hou would never be able to make a movie!

Needs!

I have needs. We all have needs!

I need money for my first feature ever. But they are nowhere to be found. 

To be an indiefilmmaker has been a wonderful process but in the same time so hard. 

We all have dreams. And my dream is to make a film that can acknowledge me as a filmmaker. This film is my dream!

Please help me reach my dream. Please...

www.sponsume.com/project/rain

New ways!

I am a 32 year old filmmaker on the little island Gotland, in the Baltic Sea.
I do what I believe in most, and that is to make films.
Not just any films, but the stories I want to tell and in the way I want to tell them.

I love the life of indiefilmmaking and I think that the best way to develop as a filmmaker os to make films in your own pace and your own way, without any demands in life.

That is why I love crowdfunding! I love the fact that you can let people support you and by that show that they believe in you and the project.

I have tried different ways to fund my films. Different crowdfunding sites and right now I have one project on two sites.

The first site is Sponsume.com. A really great place. Many people are visiting that page and a lot of projects get funded.
I have reached $200 thanks to that site and I do hope for more: www.sponsume.com/project/rain

But recently I have also found a really cool site, called Picocent. And it is so easy to fund proejcts there. You just have to open an account and then you are free to sponsor what ever project you want, without paying any money. :) Yes, it is true. The are getting the money from ads and you will get a lot of picocents to give to projects.
Of course it takes many picocents to reach a "normal" cent, but still! So easy!

And I hope that people will see my project there and think that The Rain is a really cool project so that it will get funded!

I am about to make my first feature! I am thrilled about it. I just wish that more people can believe in us so we can manage to make this film as good as it deserves.

Join Picocent.com you too!

Quiet...

Right now I am sitting in my bed with only one single lamp turned on and it is oh so quiet. 

And I am blown away how much the quietness can sound so much! It is just a roar in my head and I can't focus, but still there isn't a sound in here....

I guess there is time for me to shut down some parts in my life so that I can get back to life...

I have lost my life the last two months. I have given my life to something else. Something that eats me from the inside and out... But something that still makes me whole. 

There is no need to be poetic about it. There is just a need to speak without speaking. To talk without words. To hear without listening....

My life is dedicates this right now: www.sponsume.com/project/rain

Stressed!

I am getting more and more stressed, and today was one of the days that I thought that I just didn't want to leave my bed.
But I got up, took a walk in the beautiful sunlight and the just tried to rinse my head from everything.

I am so stressed about everything right now. My job, my film projects, my life, my being. And it sucks! Big time!!!!!

I am proud that I turned down one production that called me and asked if I wanted to be an extra. I know I can earn some money, but I just felt that I don't have time. I need to focus on my own projects and job.

And I am stressed about some of my work. Stressed that I will loose two of my youths I am working with due to that they are moving away and that we don't have that much contact any more. Stressed over not knowing what the summer or fall will bring.

One thing that really stresses me is my own film project: The Rain.
I just have a dream of making a film and just make something that I can stand for and that is good. And I do get a lot of help from everyone.
I mean, Film på Gotland (our local resource center) provides us with camera equipment, Filmgymnasiet Gotland provides me with facilities to film in. All my actors and crew a working for free and making the best of every day! And I am so blessed to have them around me.
What stresses my out is that I don't have enough money to make the film with. Money so we can build props and sets. Money so that I can buy food for my actors.
And also time... There is to little time. We are filming from time to time when every one is available, and that is a big puzzle to work with. It is hard to make a scheduel not knowing when people can film or not.

I am stressed out and sometimes I am starting to doubt on my self and my abilities...

I just want to life my life and do the thing that makes me happy. That's all!

One step back can be a huge step forward!

Okay... So this monday I went out on a location scouting. I was about going by a house for my post apocalyptic drama just to take som measurments for the set design.
When I got there there I found out that the house already was in use for a nearby hotel. And I just thought I was an abandoned house. So there I was, inte middle of nowhere with one location less and a huge step backwards for my production.

I had no plan in my head other than to build a new set and a house for us. But then the question was where and how will I do it?!

Thanks to my wonderful supervising Set Designer, Edvin Steen, we came up with a cool solution that will make us having a house both exterior and interior. And that for only 5000:- SEK ($770). So we sat down for a few hours and made a plan for the set building, got a hold of an forrest where we can do whatever we want. And then just see a dream come true. To build a set for a film and just use the handcraft needed.

I am pleased that we got this set back, because now we can develope in the skills of filmmaking.
Just need to raise the money to make the set.  That's all I need right now.

So if you want to become an associate producer, just as Kevin Noble from New Zealand, please just click the banner below and see what you can do to help. And be a part of a filmmakers biggest dream, to develop in filmmaking!

Back to basics.

It is interesting when you somehow go back to basics. Back to the point where you started with something. In my example it is about film, of course. :)

I am making a film, indiestyle, and that is for me to get back to basics. We have a camera, a tripod, a microphone, a boom and three LED-lamps for lightning, no money and a good script. If we need something else we have to ask if we can borrow it, make it our self or find a way to raise money for it.

And I have started to enjoy filmmaking again! I have missed and also forgot the true basics of filmmaking. How did you do when you just had a camera and nothing else? How did you make a set? How did you get props? How did you decide what is good or not?

This story is post apocalyptic so there is almost no rules when it comes to set design and props. And that is a good thing. :) We can just free our minds, think outside the box as much as possible and go nuts on stuff!
For example we have to build a machine gun, future-style, and attach that to a pick up and drive around like maniacs. Those things are fun! Aiming towards a "Mad Max" kind of world but going lite.

I love my passion, to make films. I just needed to step back and realize I have to bring forth all that knowledge I got when I was 15 and once again live my dream.

Here is a vlog from our latest day of filming. Hope you'll enjoy!

Production life

 

Making a film demands a lot of work and effort.
Making this film demanded a little bit extra, since we all got ill. But we managed somehow to make a fantastic filmshoot and got material that weas something out of the ordinary!

I am glad that I have the skills and abilities to make films. Not too many that has the same opportunity as me. And I do feel glad that I have something to do that I love more than anything else.

And I am also gald for all the kind of support I get from everywhere. That makes it even more fun to work with what I am doing.

It is over.... Our shooting period is over, and did we have fun or not!
There is something special about being on set and just see the progress of filming. Kind of sad when it is all over. Kind of hard to realize that all that chaos actually can be a film!
But so many has been so dedicated to this project and has done a wonderful job! We are so amazed of the love and joy we get from people.

We are aiming for the stars, Cannes International Film Festival 2013, and maybe we will reach all the way, maybe not. Only time will tell. But we are sure that our film are good enough for Cannes!

I am just thrilled that this might be my comeback as a cinematographer and director. And if so, I feel confident that I will have much more to do in the future. :)

So much fun!

We had a rehearsal today with our actors Anders Eng and Britta Calamnius, for the short film "Det som göms i snö".
And it was such a joy to hear Anders dialogue for the first time and work with both Anders and Britta to make the dialouge and characters alive! I laughed and giggled like a little child and just felt such a joy inside of me to see the development of the story and are so convinced that this film will be my comeback as a director and filmmaker!

I have the privilege to work with pure talents that has a heart and soul for what they are doing! Who listen to what you want and interpet it right and transform it all so my vision can come true.

I am so happy right now! :) If this film wont be sold on the film market, then something is seriously wrong.... ;)

Anders Eng as Jonas and Britta Calamnius as Agnes