A dream...!

I have a dream. Actually it is more like to dreams but combined in one: I want to move to Alaska and/or Maine.

Why? That I just don't know. I have always had a thing for Maine. Just read about it and seen it on film, and it just seems so beautiful. I guess all the states close to the Canadian border is what I am looking for.
And then Alaska... People just raise there eyebrows at me when I say I wanna move to Alaska. "It is so cold." "It is so isolated." And so an.
I don't mind the cold. I don't mind the isolation. I don't mind to live in a small society with very few people around me.
And the environment is just awsome! But then again, I have never been there.

Someday I will go there. Both to Maine and to Alaska. It is a dream. It is something I just have to do.
And to be able to make films and take wonderful photos.

Someday.... I have a dream....

Recreation!

I guess you can say the recreation is something needed all the time. But HOW can one an other get recreation in to your life, without spending a lot of money to spa's and so?
The easiest way, I guess, is just to go for a walk. But not maybe just around the corner in you neighbourhood. No, I think the best way is to take the bus or the car or the train and go to a place where you feel that you can just relax and enjoy life!
Then walk for an hour or two with your favourite music in the earplugs, maybe bring a camera or use your telephone to take pictures on things you find on the way...

Or maybe you can draw something, or write! That is also a way of recreation. Yes indeed!
When I was younger I wrote a lot. Both poems, scipts, stories and so. Even lyrics for cd's I never made... Wonder why... Guess I just wasn't good at making music.
But to write was a way for me to disapear for a little while. To clear out my thoughts, and that is needed for me to work as a human being!

Now, being in a depression I just have such a hard time finding back to the ways that made me happy. That made me recreate my soul! And everyday is a struggle, a fight for life. Or at least it feels that way.
Just walking around in a kind of mist not knowing what todays date is, or what I have to do or not to do. All I know is that I think I am aware of what season it is. I guess it is fall, since the leaves turned yellow, red and orange before they got brown and fell down to the ground, leaving the trees naked and exposed, waiting for winter to come. Just like me.
Wow, now I got all poetic... Maybe I still have it in me...

As an artist I guess you need to have somekind of darkness inside you. Something that you can rely on. Something that is more powerful and therefor somekind of saftey.

I will end this session with writing one of my poetic lyrics I wrote 9 years ago. Then I was 22 years old. If someone has music for this, please let me know!

Confusion, my body are in pain

Don't know what way to go

Or where to stop and stay

Lies, my soul are in pain

So many lies that has been told

So many answers put on hold

 

Time is passing by like grains of sand

My hands are open wide waiting for you

 

Will I ever be free from the things that holds me back

Will I ever be free from my past

My mind is full of answers

My heart is full of doubts

Will I ever see my self as something else but bad

 



Believe!

Sometimes I just have to trust that God carries me. When it gets too rough, too heavy, too far, I know I can rely on God.
And when things just strikes me, without any warning, and I feel how I loose my grip and fall down, helpless, I just have to have faith in God and pray that he will catch me before I hit the ground.

 I have no idea that life would struck me this hard, and reality just punched me in my stomach so I lost my way of breathing. Tears falling down my cheeks. This tremendous pain and fear. And all I could think of was to first talk to someone, and then just find a way to talk to the Lord.
Read a Bible verse, pray, just close my eyes and for a moment let him do his healing work in me.

I do believe. I believe in Him and I am glad that I do.

So Lord, please hear my prayer. I pray that you will come and heal the wounds that was given me and those amongst me tonight. Please meet us and let us lay down beside you and rest within your shelter.
I pray for my friends and that you will heal their souls. Save them from the dark things that are happening. I pray that You will come before us and just let us now you care and want to help us.
I pray in Your name, Jesus Christ! Amen!