To love without being loved.

If a guy walks up to a girl and ask her out to a date, no one will rise their eyebrows. That is just common in daily life.
If a girl walks up to a guy and asks him out on a date, it is still the same.

If a girl walks up to a girl and ask her out on a date, maybe a few will rise their eyebrows, because it is not that common, but still, girls can be very good friends, so it is still okay.

But if a guy walks up to an other guy and asks him out on a date, a lot of people will look at them with disgust, fear, think they are weird and so on. Because that is still not okay, unless you are at a gay bar or so.

Just bare in mind that for those guys and girls who walks up to a person of the same sex there is a tremendous courage within them for taking that step. We never know if the guy or girl we walk up to is straight or gay. We don't know if we would be laughed at, spit at or even beaten down. Unless we are at a gay bar....

I wrote on my facebook a few weeks ago: Why is it that all the cute guys are either straight, taken or live too far away...?
One of the replies were: I think the opposite, why is all the good looking men gay...?

My biggest issue here is that I tend to fall in love with those who are straight or unavailable. I fall in love with those who people definitely will rise their eyebrows at. That is the hardest thing about love...

I am deeply in love with a guy that I have loved for years now. And I have always known that he doesn't love me in that way, but we have had an understanding for each other. He has let me loved him and I have loved him in a way that hasn't shown.

Now he has shown more an more that he doesn't want me to love him anymore. Our understanding is over. The most heartbreaking thing ever, because I can't even show how sad I am over loosing him. That's how it is to love some one that you know never will love you back.

To change an attitude!

Was preforming at a school this week, ford kids aged 6-10, together with a friend. We have our group called "Flamma & Fjolla" (The Flame & The Queer) and preforme with fire, dance and jokes. My character, The Queer, always wears a Pride-hat, a skirt and make-up, and for this year also a wig, since we started the whole show by dancing to Loreen's "Euphoria" (the best song ever in Eurovision Song Contest). While dressing up we worked a lot with the make-up to make The Queer look as good as possible without without making too much out if it. Because The Queer's philosphy is to be whom ever you are and dress up how ever you want to. Just as long as you are comfortable with your self and can stand up for what you are doing. He is kind of sissy acting, but not in a bad way. He just likes to have fun! And we never tells that he is gay, but the kids nows it anyway, I guess, since he is dancing and says he is from the land of fabulous, wearing lipstick, make-up and a cute turquoise dance-skirt. And in the beginning I was wearing this wig, that made me look pretty good by the way, and the funny thing was when we entered the school yard with all the kids running around and we were fully dressed and in make-up, the first question from almost all the kids were: Who is SHE?, pointing at me. And I didn't wear any fake boobs more special attributes then just make-up, the wig and the little skirt. All ready there we had reached the effect we wanted, to neutralize the gender and sexuality. Then, in the dance, The Queer does such a "bad" preformance that The Flame takes of his wig, and all of a sudden he puts on a pride-hat! Just to show that he is queer and that the colours stands for pride, happiness and fun! The kids just loved the show, as usual, and loves The Flame & The Queer. Not to mention the teachers at the school. Even some parents enjoyed what we were doing and none didn't mind that we have that theme on the show! For me and my friend, who both are a part of the HBTQ-society, it is important that we can learn the kids that there is nothing wring with being yourself, as long as you stand up for whom you are and that you don't preach about it. They need to build their own opinion, but we think that we are able to change their attitude a little just by being our self on stage, and show them that there is nothing wrong for a guy to wear make-up and/or a wig, if he wants to. We all have a responsebility towards our kids and youths to make sure that they belive in them self and teach them about rights and wrongs. And I know that not everybody agrees with me that teaching kids that homosexuality is right, is a good thing, because who knows what ideas they might get from that! They might become gay them self! Well, let them! What's the big deal? As long as they are happy and proud of whom they are, just as The Flame & The Queer! And as long as we are porud of them! The even asked when they will meet us again... :)

Normativity.

Were at a conference last day that was about equality. How we all can get more equal in life, and also over the sexualities, genders, age, religion and so on. Very interesting when in between the sets while talking to some of the participants about being queer in todays society. Just for a start that queer was a new expression for them. It all started with a scene that showed a man and a woman having a child, and the fathers concern before the actual birth. He wanted to be involved and his wife said of course. And then, at the hospital, there was this nurse who just ignored him in one way or an other. That just got me upset, to start with. But after the scene I talked to the actors and then they asked me if I had any kids, and I said: No, and I never will. Then one of the actors at once thought that I was gay! Not that I just wasn't up to be a father or had any medical conditions or so. No, he just thought I was gay... That was kind of wierd to hear, but I guess we all have our way of thinking, and thank God for that! Then I just had to explain that I was queer, and of course the question came up: What do you mean by "Queer"? I eplained to them that I didn't want to put a title on my sexuality, that I fall in love with a personality rather then the sex. That is just something that I don't care about. And then they said that I ment I was bisexual, but no! Bisexuality is still a way to put a title on things, that you are both in to sex with the same and opposite gender as your self. That you might just fall in love with girls but can have sex with men. They thought about it for a while and it seemed that they understood what I ment. But to live as a HBTQ-person in todays society is still hard. We still fight against a lot of normativites. People are ment to be heterosexual. That's just the way life is... Why?! I am who I am and I am darn proud of my self! I will never care if people think that I am weird! I want to be weird! That's who I am. Never ever try to be some one else just because they say so.