Recreation!

I guess you can say the recreation is something needed all the time. But HOW can one an other get recreation in to your life, without spending a lot of money to spa's and so?
The easiest way, I guess, is just to go for a walk. But not maybe just around the corner in you neighbourhood. No, I think the best way is to take the bus or the car or the train and go to a place where you feel that you can just relax and enjoy life!
Then walk for an hour or two with your favourite music in the earplugs, maybe bring a camera or use your telephone to take pictures on things you find on the way...

Or maybe you can draw something, or write! That is also a way of recreation. Yes indeed!
When I was younger I wrote a lot. Both poems, scipts, stories and so. Even lyrics for cd's I never made... Wonder why... Guess I just wasn't good at making music.
But to write was a way for me to disapear for a little while. To clear out my thoughts, and that is needed for me to work as a human being!

Now, being in a depression I just have such a hard time finding back to the ways that made me happy. That made me recreate my soul! And everyday is a struggle, a fight for life. Or at least it feels that way.
Just walking around in a kind of mist not knowing what todays date is, or what I have to do or not to do. All I know is that I think I am aware of what season it is. I guess it is fall, since the leaves turned yellow, red and orange before they got brown and fell down to the ground, leaving the trees naked and exposed, waiting for winter to come. Just like me.
Wow, now I got all poetic... Maybe I still have it in me...

As an artist I guess you need to have somekind of darkness inside you. Something that you can rely on. Something that is more powerful and therefor somekind of saftey.

I will end this session with writing one of my poetic lyrics I wrote 9 years ago. Then I was 22 years old. If someone has music for this, please let me know!

Confusion, my body are in pain

Don't know what way to go

Or where to stop and stay

Lies, my soul are in pain

So many lies that has been told

So many answers put on hold

 

Time is passing by like grains of sand

My hands are open wide waiting for you

 

Will I ever be free from the things that holds me back

Will I ever be free from my past

My mind is full of answers

My heart is full of doubts

Will I ever see my self as something else but bad

 



Why is it so hard?

Why is it so hard to make a film these days? Or I should ask, why is it so freaking hard to get fundings?

Without money it is just so hard to manage to what I want to do, and then I have to ask for help. But does any one help: No!
And then I start to wonder why.... Is it that no one belive in project except for me? Is it that no one has any money? Is it that no one actually wants to fund projects or is it simply because it is I who am doing this....

I know people have money since people are supporting other projects.... I know people belive in the story I am making, since they have said so for a couple of years now....

Well, even if people can't afford as little as $10, people can atleast afford to spread a link. So please do. Just spread this link where ever you can: http://igg.me/p/255615?a=292023

Thank you...

Film time again!

Oh yes!

Now I have this really weird kamikazee project going on....!
A few years ago I want to make a film called The Rain. But we never got fundings to make that film. Boring as hell....!

So now we have decide to make that film anyway, but with very little money. And not as high quality as we first wanted.
No we will make the film just because we want to and to make a film that we can stand for.

Wanna know more or even help out?????

Please just click here below and spread the word! :D

This weekend...

Well, as promised Iwill now give you an update of what has happened this weekend.

It all started this friday with a movie shoot. I was an actor for Filmgymnasiet på Gotland in one of their commercials, for the school!

We shot the commercial at Saint Marys Church in Visby, and the set up was a wedding that ended with them showing it was just a film set. Smart idea, I have to say.
And I played the groom. :)

Then, on the saturday, it was time for the big event: WisbyMaskeraden! The biggest event of the year, next to Medeltidsveckan of course, when you get the chance to dress up and just live out your dream as a costume nerd. :)
This years theme was Harry Potter vs. Merlin. And I was there with Gotlands MusikalKompani and we made a 30 minute long show as Hogwarts students. And I also played Severus Snape in the begining of the show. Then I changed to a school student , belonging to Rawenclaw.

And to play Severus Snape, wich I think is the coolest character played by one of the best actors, Alan Rickman, was a privilege. To find the small secrets that unlocks Snape and make him alive, since he is both evil and good.

Me as Severus Snape

 

And I had a costume, special made for me, ordered on eBay, just for this occasion. And it was worth it! It was so worth it! And the show went so well and we had a lot of fun!

Final touch-ups on the make-up before showtime!

 

Now it is time to rest for a few days, then on thursday we start our rehearsals for "Sweeny Todd", the big musical we will put up in April! :)

 

A very tired actor after the show at WisbyMaskeraden.

 

Almost all costumes lined up for the weekends performances.

What a weekend!

Tomorrow it is! Tomorrow it is time to be on stage again, and this time at Wisby Maskeraden. (www.wisbymaskeraden.se)

Last night we had a 5 hours rehearsal and tonight we will have a 1 1/2 hour of rehearsal on site, and then tomorrow at 18 we start! And by "we" I mean Gotlands MusikalKompani!
Preparations are being made, bot costume, set dressing and performance.

I am really excited about this! I will play Severus Snape and zap off a kid from a suitcase, and confront some kids in the hallways. God, I will love tomorrow! :)

And my costume is perfect. Can't show it to you really yet, because there is a big surprise for some people tomorrow, but it will be awsome!

Today though I am getting married! Not for real! It is for a commercial for a film school. Going to be rather fun I guess. The costume is already picked and I just need to shave an polish my shoes, then I am ready for action!

The acting has really got going again after so many years in the hidden. I haven't done that much more than my own short films, but now I am enjoying life again!

Well, off to the shower and the shaving. Promise I will upload some pics from both today and tomorrow!

Have a great weekend you all!

To love without being loved.

If a guy walks up to a girl and ask her out to a date, no one will rise their eyebrows. That is just common in daily life.
If a girl walks up to a guy and asks him out on a date, it is still the same.

If a girl walks up to a girl and ask her out on a date, maybe a few will rise their eyebrows, because it is not that common, but still, girls can be very good friends, so it is still okay.

But if a guy walks up to an other guy and asks him out on a date, a lot of people will look at them with disgust, fear, think they are weird and so on. Because that is still not okay, unless you are at a gay bar or so.

Just bare in mind that for those guys and girls who walks up to a person of the same sex there is a tremendous courage within them for taking that step. We never know if the guy or girl we walk up to is straight or gay. We don't know if we would be laughed at, spit at or even beaten down. Unless we are at a gay bar....

I wrote on my facebook a few weeks ago: Why is it that all the cute guys are either straight, taken or live too far away...?
One of the replies were: I think the opposite, why is all the good looking men gay...?

My biggest issue here is that I tend to fall in love with those who are straight or unavailable. I fall in love with those who people definitely will rise their eyebrows at. That is the hardest thing about love...

I am deeply in love with a guy that I have loved for years now. And I have always known that he doesn't love me in that way, but we have had an understanding for each other. He has let me loved him and I have loved him in a way that hasn't shown.

Now he has shown more an more that he doesn't want me to love him anymore. Our understanding is over. The most heartbreaking thing ever, because I can't even show how sad I am over loosing him. That's how it is to love some one that you know never will love you back.

An other short film...

My life is a lot about making film. That is what I love almost the most. And now it is time to release an other short film that I made 4 years ago.

This time is is a really strong drama about three siblings woring up alone in the family home. And they had a really bad start in life that has made them who they are today.
One day a man knocks on their door and presents him as their older brother. He is there to know more about his family and to find his way back home....

This was one of the hardest short films I have ever made. The script was really challenging to write and to direct, just because it is so real! I wanted this film to show what is behind the headlines in the news paper when you read about people that his been hurt over a period of time.
A lot of the inspiration came from Dave Pelzer's book "A child called 'It'", who is one of the worst stories I have ever read, but it moved me so much.
And I started to realize what was behind all these headlines we read from time to time.

As a director it was very tough to direct two of your best friends in an incest scene, almost a rape. Well, it was a rape, just not one of those wich were physical destructive and happens out in the streets...
That scene almost broke me as a person, but it became so good that it lifted the film totaly!

Have a look at it and please feel free to leave a comment about it. We know we are not the best filmmakers in the world, but this time it was all about the story.